


Occlumency Arousal

by allihearisradiogaga



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack, Joke Fic, M/M, Masturbation, Mind Link, Mind Sex, Mutual Masturbation, This is supposed to be funny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-05
Updated: 2016-01-05
Packaged: 2018-05-11 21:14:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5642197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allihearisradiogaga/pseuds/allihearisradiogaga
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Voldemort needs to let off some steam, and Harry feels the effects.</p>
<p>THIS IS A CRACK FIC AND I APOLOGIZE FOR MY SINS.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Occlumency Arousal

**Author's Note:**

> So this all started with the thought of: "Okay, so Harry and Voldemort can feel each other's extreme emotions? What about lust?"
> 
> And then it came to this.
> 
> Written for the UVM Quidditch Annual Fanfiction Extravaganza. I am so sorry.

“And I want some results _soon,_ Bellatrix,” said the dark lord, swooping closer to her before turning abruptly and walking away slowly.  “I am running out of patience.”

“Yes, my lord,” she said, in a slight bow.  “Consider it done.”  He did not turn back around to see her as she left the room.  He could hear her go, and once the door closed he muttered a single word under his breath.

“Colloportus.”  The lock on the door snapped shut, and Voldemort crossed the room to his chair, a large thing that looked almost like a throne and, casting one last glance to the door to make sure that it was closed and locked.  Then, he pointed his wand toward the upper shelf of the books of dark magic against the wall.  From between two larger tomes, a smaller, flimsier book came down.  He held the magazine in his long, slender fingers for a moment before turning his eyes down to it.

The large block letters at the top of the page read “ _Bad Witches_ ,” and below these big red letters was a woman, totally naked save for a black pointed hat, who was on all fours, her large breasts well visible between her arms, and her wand pointed toward her mouth.  As Voldemort looked down at her, she giggled slightly and licked her lips.

Voldemort opened the front of his robes with one hand, the other hand holding his wand and the magazine, and he pulled forth from his underwear his semi-hard penis, which he held in his hand as he opened the magazine again.

Harry Potter found it suddenly very difficult to pay attention in Professor Vector’s discussion of runes.  He knew that he should have been paying attention to the way in which different runes could be used to convey magical properties in ancient texts, but suddenly, the front of his boxers began to feel very tight around his penis.  He looked around the room, and no one seemed to be letting their eyes stray from Vector’s lesson—she was known for being notoriously strict.

He had no idea where this arousal was coming from.  He was just looking at _runes_ , for goodness sake—there shouldn’t have been anything exciting there!  And yet, his penis was hard against his waistband, and he was glad that he was wearing somewhat roomy robes.

Voldemort stroked his hand down his cock, his hand slightly lubricated by some lotion he had summoned from its place in the adjacent bathroom.  He looked at the magazine, enthralled in the way that these young women were posing, their legs spread wide to somehow show both their large asses and their perfectly maintained pussies.  He stroked again, and felt warmth in his cheeks.  It wasn’t often that he got any sort of relief from the constant _work_ of being the evilest wizard alive.  It was hard for him to secure a little bit of private time.  And it was private—just him and the magazine, on the pages of which the “bad witches” were grinning, staring up at him as they pushed their breasts up together toward him or puckered their lips around their wands sensually.

Harry couldn’t take it much longer.  He’d never gotten a boner like this just out of nowhere before.  It felt—it almost felt like he was whacking off, but there was no way that it could really be happening.  He wasn’t touching himself, and he hadn’t even _thought_ of anything sexy.  He raised his hand, and Professor Vector stared him down with her cool eyes.  “Yes, Mr. Potter?”

“Um, yes, uh, Professor Vector, may I be excused for a moment?”

Vector lowered forehead and looked at him for a moment.  “You decide you need to use the lavatory as soon as I begin to introduce a new topic, Mr. Potter?  It seems a little bit convenient.”

Harry blushed, and he could feel a little bit of precum at the tip of his dick, which was practically throbbing between his legs.  “I-I’m sorry, Professor, but when you’ve got to go…”

A couple of the other students in the class giggled at this, and Professor Vector shot them glares.  Harry himself was getting more than a little uncomfortable with the amount of attention he was getting, with his swollen member almost quivering between his legs.

“Fine, Mr. Potter,” said Professor Vector, turning away from him again, going back to the blackboard.  “But I expect you to do _very_ well on the little quiz we will be having at the start of next class.

Harry nodded, and got up, turning from his seat in a half-crouch.  Hermione shot him a quizzical look, and he just looked away, trying not to let his erection be seen as he moved, even through his robes.  He felt a certain amount of relief when he got to the corridor, the classroom door shut tight behind him.  Then, he felt a little burst of pleasure, and he grinned, leaning back against the wall, enjoying it, almost forgetting where he was.  Then, he began to hurry as unsuspiciously as he could toward the bathroom.

Voldemort stroked his hand carefully up and down his member, feeling his own sensitive skin between his fingers.  At one stroke, he almost shuddered, and he decided that he was going to have to slow down a little bit if he wanted to make this a good one, a drawn out self-pleasuring session.  He flipped the page in the magazine, opening up a page with a woman who was posing in a dungeon.  Her arms were bound by chains above her, and she was on her knees, leaning forward slightly.  This caused her boobs to hand forward.  Every once in a while, she would shake slightly against the chains, looking up at Voldemort with a look of half-helplessness, half-enjoyment.  Voldemort felt a tingling in his dick, but he didn’t let himself touch it, for the time being.  He just stared at the woman in the magazine, imagining what it might be like if she threw herself at _his_ feet, promising her loyalty to his cause.

Harry had almost made it to the bathroom when he found himself face-to-face with Filch, who was holding a gnarled old mop like it was a walking stick and he was a weary adventurer.  He actually grinned a little bit when he saw Harry before his face returned to its normal scowl.

“Out roaming the halls, Mr. Potter, during class time?”  He looked Harry up and down, and Harry bent backward just a bit more, hoping that the folds of his robes would hide his bulge from the caretaker.

“Oh, uh, P-professor Vector said it was alright,” said Harry, hoping that this wouldn’t take too long.  He felt a little relief, and he wasn’t sure what was going on, but he was going to cum soon, he could feel it, and he didn’t want to do it when he was face-to-face with Argus filch.

“Well,” said Filch, shifting his hand on the mop, “you seem _awfully_ shifty, Mr. Potter.  How do I know you’re telling the truth?”

Harry thought he found a good spot where his dick wasn’t rubbing against the waistband of his underwear, and was sort of concealed.  “Do you think, of all professors, I would pick _Vector_ for a lie?”

Filch thought on this for just a moment, but for Harry, it was agonizingly long.  Finally, he spoke.  “Okay, Potter.  This time, I’ll let you go.”  Harry started to walk away, but Filch grabbed him by the arm, jerking Harry back.  He could feel his erection slip out of his waistband, thusly pointing forward, causing a tenting in his robes that he _didn’t_ want Filch to see.  “I’ve got my eye on you, _Potter_.”

“I would expect nothing less than diligence,” Harry said quickly, as something inside of him renewed his sexual arousal, almost as if someone was tugging on his cock.  He scuttled away from Filch, who gave him a bit of an evil eye as he went.

Voldemort went at his dick with a renewed vigor.  He imagined a few of the girls, pouting up at him from the magazine, rubbing themselves on him, placing kisses on different parts of his body: his collarbone, his cheek, the inside of his thighs…  His hand went up and down his dick, and he shuddered as his asshole clenched, and he knew he was close.  He pulled again, and his eyes flitted over the moving pictures in the magazine.  His chest rose up and down with his breaths, and he pulled his hand down his cock, letting his fingers work as ridges for his pleasure.

Harry burst into the bathroom, quickly scrambling to the first stall and locking it behind him.  He sat back at on the toilet and fumbled at the front of his robes, trying to get them open and get his erection free.  It only took a slight tug to pull his dick out of his underwear, and it lazily flopped back against his stomach.  He watched as it lay there, hot and full of lust, and wondered where this could have come from.

The dark lord found that he wasn’t going to be able to hold off his orgasm much longer.  He went at his cock harder now, grasping with a firm fist around his member, pushing up and down against it, subtly grinding his hops upward into his hand.  At some point, the magazine tumbled from his hand to the floor, and he let it stay there.  He had no need for it now.  He gripped in that hand instead the base of his cock, his wand still in his fingers of that hand, pressing against his lower stomach.

Harry seized up as his dick started almost standing up on its own, filled with blood to its maximum extent, throbbing with need.  He didn’t touch it, wondering why his body was acting like this.  Was it some sort of spell?  Or curse?

Then, Voldemort stroked his cock, _hard_ , a few more times, and his body couldn’t hold it back any longer.  A small jet of white cum shot out of the tip of his dick, followed by some afterflow.  He leaned back in his chair, hand still clutched around his dick, a shudder slipping down his spine.

Harry came, and for the first time, he instinctively grabbed his penis.  His mind flashed away from the bathroom where he sat to an image of three naked women, their hands all over him, their _mouths_ all over him, and then—the image flashed to a darkened room, all black and gray, and a pale dick in his hand, no, not his hand, but a long, spindly, pale hand…

He was back in the bathroom, and he saw the semen rolling down his dick, over his fingers where they grasped his shaft.  He reached with his other hand for the toilet paper next to the toilet to clean himself up.  The last thing he needed to do was to go back to class with a cumstain on his robes.  He turned and dropped the toilet paper into the water, and as he reached for another piece, he was faced with a familiar visage.

“Well, Mr. Potter, a bit of a short fuse, eh?”

“Myrtle, I swear…”

“Not a word from me,” she giggled, coming through the stall wall completely.  Harry instinctively covered up with his hands, doing pretty much nothing to shield his waning cock from her view.  “Ah, the treasures you find in bathrooms…”  She floated downward, through the floor, presumably back to her normal haunts in the first-floor girls’ bathroom.  Harry watched the floor where she had disappeared for a moment before realizing that he was completely red from blushing.  He shook his head a little and grabbed some more toilet paper to clean up the cum.

He was going to have to pay a little bit more attention during Snape’s occlumency lessons.  It was going to take a _long time_ to get Voldemort’s fantasy out of his head.

Voldemort, after a moment of enjoying the post-orgasm refractory moment, lifted his wand and waved it at his dripping cock, causing the semen to disappear.  He pulled his robes closed just after, holding his wand up at the ready.  He had, for some reason, the distinct feeling of being watched.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry.


End file.
